Even the small things

A few months ago I had a really discouraging day.Most of it was from the combination of events from the several days preceding it. It seemed as if that day was the day that all of it came together and I realized how deeply it would affect my life from here on out. I have spent the past 3 years pouring all of my free time into my small business. I have spent thousands of dollars on supplies, I have spent countless hours photographing and editing pictures that show off my products. I have spent hours, days, weeks, and months, promoting my business on Facebook, Twitter, and my blog. And yesterday, at that very moment, I realized I might not be able to continue with my business adventure. I felt like a failure. I was discouraged. I let it affect me, and it put me in a bad place.

I had texted my husband to share my disappointment and to ask for his thoughts on how I should proceed. I needed reassurance, prayer, and guidance. I needed to see how the situation looked from his prospective since he was on the outside looking in. He is the closest person to my business, without actually being involved in it. Unfortunately, he was busy at work and over 7 hours went by before I got a response from him. At that point he was getting ready to leave work and I was looking forward to seeing him, and being in his arms. Something about feeling his arms around me always gives me a sense of reassurance, and that is exactly what I needed. 

We made it through a somewhat peaceful dinner, which is always considered an achievement when children are involved. As my husband was taking our kids upstairs to get them ready for bed, I worked on cleaning up the kitchen and then sat down at the computer for a few minutes to finish up some odds and ends for the night. I was thinking to myself how much I dislike the bedtime routine with the kids. The hassle of trying to get them to undress themselves, get in the tub, not splash water all over the floor, to dry them off, get their pajamas on, brush their teeth, say their prayers; it's all a hassle. Someone is always crying, and on most nights they tag team with the crying and fit throwing. My son claims he is never tired, that he can't dress himself, that he needs this or that. He puts up a fight. My daughter? Trying to get her to brush her teeth is a nightmare. Constant screaming and we have to hold her down. This happens every night and by then, my patience from the day has long sense disappeared. I wanted nothing more that night than to just put on my own pajamas and relax on the couch. And while I was thinking those thoughts, about how much I dread the nighttime routine, about how discouraging and unfair the day seemed, I came across this:

Ouch. There I was, sitting in my warm house, while my children and husband were upstairs getting ready for bed. All healthy, all safe. I had just finished cleaning up dinner, we were full and content. My husband had just spent the previous 9 hours at work. How could I be so selfish, to think that my problems were superior to so many other things? As much as it hurts to come to this realization (and similar ones occur quite often), I am thankful that I have the opportunity to realize it and to fix it. I am thankful that the Lord shows me these things that need fixing, that he shows me them to humble me, and to help put my thoughts in perspective.

I often spend so much of my time worrying about things that are so minuscule instead of just letting go and letting God. I blame it on my controlling personality. I like to have control. I like feeling accomplished. I'm an overachiever. It's a great personality trait to have, if used for the Lord but I am often guilty of using it as a bar that I set far too high to ever reach. I think back often to Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord"- Jeremiah 29:11

I often hear people say that the hardest decision they made was to allow God into their lives. For me, the hardest decision is to have faith that the Lord will handle everything. I often think my problems are too small to bother the Lord with but that isn't true. God wants us to come to him with everything. He says so himself in Isaiah.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: 

I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, 

I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." - Isaiah 41:10