The looking glass

The past year was a very difficult year for me. My husband and I were ready for the year to end and a fresh start to begin before summer even began to wind down. I found myself on my knees more often then not, crying unto the Lord for guidance. If there ever was a time when I needed Him more, 2012 was that time. And while I look back on 2012, the year itself feels like a bad memory. I learned a lot that year, probably more than I have ever learned before. I grew. My husband grew. Our relationship grew. All because of the course we found ourselves on. One of two things usually happens to a relationship when the rest of the world seems to turn upside down, it either falls apart and shatters, or it strengthens and grows. At the end of the year, I had a reason to hold my head up. I still had a loving husband who stood by my side, who held my hand, who gave me words of encouragement, and who wasn't afraid to tell me when I was wrong. I still had my children, and as long as all four of us were together as a family, we could tackle the world together. Best of all, we all had our health. Nothing puts your life in perspective more than seeing a family grieving over their sick children or spouse. Most importantly, I still had God to stand by me. My relationship with Him grew tremendously throughout the year and it felt like a rekindled friendship. 

Throughout the year I gave myself little pep talks. Most of them centered around telling myself that as long as the four of us were together, that is all that would matter. Whatever happened, as long as we had each other, we would be fine. I guess I should technically say the 5 of us, because if God wasn't by our side every step of the way, my pep talks probably wouldn't have mattered. The unknown can be incredibly scary. Especially as a parent.But we made it, and it's in the past.

The problem with 2012 is that when I look back on it, all I see is heartache, pain, and tribulations. I feel as if I spent a great part of the year in tears or holding them back so that the rest of the world wouldn't see how much I was hurting on the inside. It wasn't until last night, when I was trying to find an article I posted on Facebook, for a friend, that I realized my views on the year had been jaded. I couldn't remember exactly when I posted the article, and originally I thought it was in the fall so I began scrolling back through my countless Facebook posts and pictures trying to find it. What I found in the process, was happiness. I saw the smiles on my children's faces, in pictures I had temporarily forgotten about. Of moments, events and small trips around town. Doing things that seem so mediocre but meaning so much more to them. 

If there is ever a time you want a different perpective on life, view it from the eyes of your children. You'll see the world in a new light. Everything will be exciting, everything will seem brand new. It was at that moment that I realized I was no longer going to let my view of 2012 be a negative one. Yes, there were many downs, but there were also many ups. As I clung to the negative, I had forgotten the positive even existed. Because of this I have decided to look back on the year and compile a list of happy memories from 2012. I will no longer focus on the bad, but on the good. When someone asks me about 2012, I will remember the Lord standing by my side. I will remember Him leading me and guiding me. I will remember how there were times that I felt like I just couldn't go on, and I will remember how He carried me. He was there for me then and I know He will be there for me in the future, whatever comes my way. 

Check back tomorrow for my list of positives from 2012.